guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
