This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
