just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
