What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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