Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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