You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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