The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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