I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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