Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
