he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
