So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
false alarm. still invincible.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
