it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
