I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize