I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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