I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
