If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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