Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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