So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize