i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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