You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
