is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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