It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
