u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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