bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
