Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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