Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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