so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
