can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
