I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
