Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
