His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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