if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
