Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
birth control should be required to get into college
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
