he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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