she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
