Umm I'm too high to move.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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