my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
