so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
