do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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