walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize