how can u be prego again
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
