It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize