saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
