Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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