I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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