Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
