she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
