sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
