He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
