Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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