well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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