I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
