If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
