If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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