The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize