Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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