don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Damn victory sex feels great
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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