I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
