Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
