he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
