He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
