do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
