I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
