That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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