I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
