theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
