i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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