grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
