On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
