We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
