The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
