I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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