im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
