the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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