Please, let me fuck your mom
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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