So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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