I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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