She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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