Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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