Can Purell be used as lube?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
