Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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