I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
