It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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