I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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