im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
