you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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