first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize