it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
