I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My feet surprised me
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