Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
