am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
