Betty ford says i'm here all night
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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