This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
