i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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